Matthew

Ohhh boy this has been long overdue. My last post hasn’t been since the middle of June, but finally as of right about now I have gotten my site all fixed up (much thanks to croppycat aka my momma) and things seem to be on a rolling track. I’ve decided that this blog is going to be a dedication; and as I learn to get on a schedule for posting, I feel confidant that I will be able to master the world of blogging– if you cannot tell this is not the norm for me, but will be an integral part of my life. Even if no on wanders across my page and my words go unread, blogging allows me to put an image for all to create in their own minds as they see fit, and allows me to be a somewhat of a writer (as if!!).

So down to it then.

Life has a way of making you think about everything that you have ever done, and the ways that it does this are mostly trivial and small in their nature. A sight, a smell, an event, anything that triggers a past action and the outcome of the decisions you made in that brief point in time. Here recently my brain has been making me think back on a variety of different events that have transpired and has made me come to a realization. I am nothing without those whom I surround myself with. Amongst all of my daily activities, routines, rituals, or whatever you would call them I have come to fiind that without certain individuals in my life, I would be someone different, foreign and without purpose.

There was a time in my life (yes even my short 22 years here) that I found that many of the things I did from day to day seemed arbitrary and devoid of passion; lackluster at its very best. I would go through the days as if I knew exactly what I was going to do the next day– day in and day out, and came to a startling conclusion. The things I did every single day were in direct correlation with the individuals I kept in my life and were adapted to their mannerisms, interests and desires. I had fallen into a spot where I wasn’t necessarily following like a blind dog, but I was ignoring many things that I held dear to myself. Now trust me this is not a rant on how I had bad friends, I love all of my friends, it was more of an issue that I would allow their thoughts and emotions to mold the things that I did in accordance with theirs. I had allowed boredom to strap blinders to my face and kill the creativity that was once within. So as I continued on I made distinct decisions to do something different, whether that be weeding out some perfidious individuals, or just throwing a wrench in my daily designs. And let me tell you what; things have been different for a good while now.

Everyone has at least one person (or I would certainly hope so) that gives them some sort of strength to lean on in uncertain times, whether it be a phone call or an in person rendezvous, and this is the glue that holds what I have come to realize as the majority, together. Take a second today to reach out to those people, and whether you blabber about how you love them sooo much or if it is just a small act that reassures the connection, it will be well worth it.

I feel great today, like the child I once was.

I love you mom

I love you dad

Send my love to the family — and yours to the world.

You know, they say that you have to be a cog in the machine of life. You must conform and become a part of a system that is invariably flawed and designed to produce; not to inspire, not to  invigorate, not to teach one the joys that life could be full of. We are here to do a job, we are here to compete for the best spot, to “earn” a living through precise, calculated yet manipulated actions that result in a means to an end; but when is it that we are allowed to shake loose the shroud of society and for once just be human and act like nothing other; to be truly carefree and laugh and enjoy LIFE? The weekend? On vacations(Which you worked to “earn”)? On the days when we work up the courage to call in sick and escape away from our individually wrought prisons for a brief period?

To this I say no more! No longer shall I sit in the confines of a space no larger than my bathroom with no windows and no emotion. No longer shall I worry about having the money to do the things I want to. No longer will I lament the things that have transpired and long for things that have never been. No longer will I say I can’t. No longer will I allow what society says I should do influence what I am GOING to do. I will go forth and do the things I want to because life is short and we are only but the accumulations of all our yesterdays. If our yesterdays have been nothing but misery and fear and longing, doesn’t that make our today, our present life….. pathetic?

I have made a personal decision as of today. I am going to do. I am going to be free. I am going to experience life and all of the wonders that are within. I am going to do all of it with no plan, no bountiful vault of cash, and no direction. I am going to see what is out there, period. Take a second to think about the state  in which you reside; I bet you have only seen about 2.65% of what is there. And that is only your immediate surroundings. Now think  of what surrounds that, curious yet? I invite you, no I implore you to join me and shake loose, if only for a minute and allow yourself to realize that there is so much more…. Smile, it’ll get you started in the right direction, and for me that direction sounds of crashing waves and smells of freedom. Yes I think I will head to the beach and see what I can find there.